050525
i'm not sure which has had a bigger effect on my friendships; the internet or my age.
the internet used to be a place. now its the primary way i keep in touch with people who live 10 minutes away. sometimes i want to log off.
i'm not a person who has actively posted on social media since about 2016 and in this time i have managed to keep friendships via the internet. i think i mostly keep an instagram to give that out instead of a phone number. i'm satisfied with my social media usage. a lot of my friends aren't active on social media so i feel no need to really "keep up" with feeds or the joneses.
so i guess the real issue is discord. i hate that i feel pressured to keep discord on my phone because its my biggest way to communicate with loads of people. the same people who are "too tired" to hang out after work but can be streaming game play for hours. like too busy for going out for dinner on a day i'm off? i go out on friday night despite having work at 6am saturday morning. most people wont do that for me. i just love waking up at 3:30 in the morning, working 12hrs, staying out til midnight and waking up at like 5am and rushing to work because theres no traffic on saturday and yet every saturday i try to see exactly what minute is a minute too late, even though i hate being late and i am anxious the entire 21 minutes it takes me to speed to work. but, i get it. you're tired.
it gets harder to meet up with people because everyone has their own life. some of my friends have kids. most times i see friends i don't want to waste time catching up. i'm quite blessed to be cared for enough by people to be curious. but i'm probably over things i've done and don't wanna talk about it. i've kind of given up on hanging out with people spontaneously, and i don't know if its because i'm in my 30s or because we're all just on discord instead.